weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
