Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
