I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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