It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
