I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
