Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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