I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize