dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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