just tell him i said nine months
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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