It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize