the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
