its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
