Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
