there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
