At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
