Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
