So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
