i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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