Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
