I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
