1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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