I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
