I wish i was in the wii world.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
