Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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