Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
