I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
