well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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