Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
