I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
