i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize