My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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