Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
