Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
