Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize