Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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