dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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