i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
