better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
