she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
