I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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