Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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