I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
