Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
