I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
