EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
