i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
