he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
