I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize