you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
