I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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