Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
