I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
