Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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