If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
