Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
