he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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