Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
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