i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize