i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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