They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
