So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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