I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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