It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
