Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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