While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she smelled like a LAN party
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
