Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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