y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize