Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
