Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
