can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
