He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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