I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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