Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
