i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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