Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
