What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize